Introduction
By Dr. Steve Frisch, Psy.D.

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An Ounce of Prevention
Is Worth A Pound of Cure...

You know and I know that a lot of the problems facing our
children are problems of the human heart, problems that can
only be resolved when there is a one on one connection with  every child in this country entitled to live out their god given destiny.
-William Jefferson Clinton
           
“We invest heavily in rule development, but that’s not where the action is. The action is in adults’ connecting with kids.” So says Dr. Robert William Blum, noted researcher for the National Longitudinal Study on Adolescent Health--the Add Health study, when commenting on how parents can best apply the findings from a national survey of more than 90,000 adolescents.

When I first read the findings of the Add Health Study in The Journal of American Medicine I imagined just what the headlines generated by the findings from the study might be:

Rx For Your Children: Emotional Connectiveness With Parents Helps Children Avoid Smoking, Substance Abuse, Violent Behavior, and Early Sexual Activity.

Or: Emotional Connection Can Provide 24 Hour Protection For Your Child’s Emotional and Physical Well-Being.

How about: Provide Your Kid a Daily Dose of Emotional Connection to Lessen the Onset of Emotional Distress.

Perhaps: For The Relief of Aches and Pains Associated with Your Child’s Negative Behavior, Parents’ Emotional Connection With Child Is Significantly More Important Than Parents’ Physical Presence.

Talk about the proverbial out of the mouth of babes. Here we had a major study involving over 90,000 children from all over the United States confirming what would seem to be common sense. Namely, there’s no way to overstate how important a strong emotional connection between you and your child is to their emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being.

Now listening to what these children tell us is one thing. Knowing what to do about it is something else. For knowing that there’s a relationship between emotional connectiveness and your child’s well-being only begs a larger question--how do you create and maintain an emotional connection with your child? The answer to that question is the focus of this book.

In Entering the World of Your Child, I will introduce you to a special process of building an emotional connection with your child. This process will enable you to most effectively create, maintain, repair, and sustain an emotional connection with your child. Mastering this process will empower you to influence your child’s growth and development before problems begin to arise.

More than being insurance for your child’s well-being, the lessons from Entering the World of Your Child will enable you to create a bond that will be a source of emotional nurturance for both you and your child. Imagine how enriched your life will be by creating a relationship that celebrates both you and your child. The lessons you’ll take from Entering the World of Your Child will transform parenting your child into something so much more than just an overwhelming responsibility.

Think about what I’m suggesting to you. Mastering a set of relationship tools that will enable you to better understand your child and communicate that understanding to him. The payoff for you? How can you and your family benefit from investing your energy in creating and maintaining this special bond? What’s to be gained from taking the time to examine how to strengthen the bond with your child? Do you see any value in emotional connectiveness, a more cohesive family, a protective factor against adolescent behavioral health problems, a way of activating you and your child’s personal growth and emotional well-being?

Balance that against all the reasons you have to say “no” to any new course of action. “It’s too hard.” “There’s never enough time.” “This child is so ungrateful, he doesn’t deserve my extra attentions.” “I barely have a life of my own now as it is.” “Things have gone too far--the damage has already been done.” 

In this book, I’ll introduce you to a relationship process I call, entering the world of your child. As you learn how to use the tools that I introduce to you, you’ll discover just how much fun your child can be. More than fun, joy will brighten your world as you begin connecting to rather than battling with your child. All it takes is knowing the what and learning the how.

Here’s the game plan. After a brief overview in Chapter 1, we’ll focus on the bond you want to create with your child in Chapter 2. Here’s where I’ll introduce you to the relationship process, entering the world of your child. This is the relationship process that will enable you to build a strong, long lasting emotional connection with your child. It is in this chapter where I reveal to you the single most important choice to be made before you can enter your child’s world.

In Chapter 3, I’ll discuss with you the foundation for the process of entering the world of your child--emotional safety. I’ll discuss the importance of creating an emotionally safe climate so that your child will feel comfortable letting you into their world. In this chapter, we’ll focus on the rule of thumb for creating an emotionally safe relationship--how to respond rather than react to your child.

Chapter four focuses on the most magical way to establish an emotional connection with your child--fulfilling your child’s emotional needs. I’ll discuss with you two very important sources of energy that live within you and your child--your offering spirit and your child’s seeking spirit.  You’ll discover how the act of fulfilling your child’s emotional needs happens when there’s a magical link of love and respect between your offering spirit and your child’s seeking spirit.

Chapters five and six focus on the two most powerful communication tools I know of that will forever leave your child feeling loved and honored by you. One reason entering the world of your child is such a potent relationship process is because it empowers you to communicate with your child in a new and different way. As you begin to understand your child through the way they experience life, the way you communicate with your child will change forever. No longer will you talk at your child. Instead, you’ll discover the joy of talking with your child.

Chapters seven and eight focus on how to defuse the inevitable tensions and conflict that will arise between you and your child. Utilizing the spirit of the process of entering the world of your child, you’ll learn how to use tools of encouragement, support, and understanding so that your child can talk through their conflicts rather than act them out.

I have used chapter nine as an opportunity to share four general tools with you that will help you keep the connection with your child alive and well. These tools will give you more choices as how to best keep your connection safe and intact.

You’ll find familiar features, Bridge-Builder’s Tips and Bridge-Builder’s Tools, from my previous relationship books throughout this book as well. These are concrete ways to think about the essence of the skill we are discussing in a particular chapter.

At the same time, I have added a new feature to this book. At the end of chapters one through eight you’ll find a Bridge-Builder’s Checklist. This checklist is a way for you to review the important points of each chapter as well as an opportunity for you to think about how you can apply these points to the relationship you have with your child.

What you learn about yourself, your child, and the skills necessary to bridge the gap between the two of you will greatly enrich the relationship you have with your child. You only need bring an open mind and an eagerness to experiment. Not everything I suggest in this book will feel comfortable to you. If you encounter some level of discomfort or awkwardness with what I am suggesting, please don’t be discouraged.

I don’t pretend that this is the only way to raise a child or that this is all that there is to raising your child. But what I do know is that you and your child can greatly benefit from your willingness to better connect by entering their world. Developing a level of comfort with doing that takes time, patience, and much practice.

You know that old saying about how all roads lead to Rome. Think of the skills in this book as your means of transportation for your very personal journey with your child, but in the end, you’ll create your own path for building a loving connection with your child that brings honor and dignity to the both of you!

G.B.U.

Steve

Dr. Steve Frisch, Psy.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Chicago, Illinois and Northfield, Illinois. You can contact Dr. Frisch, Psy.D. at drfrisch@aliveandwellnews.com  or at (847) 604-3290. Recover from chemical dependency and its toxic impact on family members. Raise your children to choose to be alcohol and other drugs free. Learn how to in Dr. Frisch’s, Psy.D. Recovery book series.