Chapter 5
Self-Saboteur
By Dr. Steve Frisch, Psy.D.

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The Self-Saboteur

The Self-Saboteur is the part of you that sabotages your emotional and spiritual well-being. The Self-Saboteur is the power behind the throne that perpetuates the war that you wage with your Self, sabotages your relationships, and prevents you from fulfilling your spiritual destiny.

The Self-Saboteur is the force behind every three steps you take backwards for every two steps you take forward. The Self-Saboteur is the part of you that snatches defeat out of the jaws of victory, uses gasoline to put out fires, uses a stick of dynamite with which to light your cigarettes. The Self-Saboteur is much like Wily Coyote, forever plotting and scheming, only to have your carefully laid plans blow up in your face.

The Self-Saboteur feels threatened by change, believes herself to be undeserving of joy and love, and feels like an impostor who doesn’t deserve an invitation to the ball. The Self-Saboteur gets noticed through his negative behavior, releases her feelings by acting out, and equates being powerful with being able to frustrate, exasperate, and stalemate your Self and others.

The Self-Saboteur feels most threatened by two simple words,   “I need...”. To need is to be vulnerable. To need is a set-up to be hurt, humiliated, and disappointed. To need is to be viewed as weak, dependent, and insignificant. So the Self-Saboteur zigs when she should zag, hides before he’s seeked, leaves before she’s left, takes from before he can be given to. He lives by his wits, flies by the seat of her pants, fakes it till he makes it. Trouble is he never makes it, she always lands with the landing gears up, and he proves time and time again just how witless he is.

The Self-Saboteur is one of the biggest thorns in your sides, yet, he can become your biggest allies. Taking ownership of all that she does will enable you to transform her fears into courage, confidence, and wisdom. Once you’re able to harness the energy of the Self-Saboteur, you’ll be able to put less energy into cleaning up his messes and more energy into living YOUR life.

The Self-Saboteur

Dirty
Feels one down
from others.
Impostor
Insignificant
Small
Ugly
Undeserving
Unworthy

Angry
Fear
Hostility
Jealousy
Impatience
Pettiness
Resentful
Worthlessness

Cruel
Disrespectful
Punitive
Self-Annihilating
Self-Defeating
Standoffish
Undermining

Others are one-up
Others want a piece of me
Others are going to
find me out to be less
than I portray myself to be.

Failure is familiar.
Other’s are more deserving than me.
Success is dangerous.
The world’s unfair.

Failure Success
Bitterness-Happiness
Sadness-Joy
Hate-Love
Unmet Needs-Met Needs
Never Feeling-Feeling
Better-Feeling Better
Getting What You Want-Not Getting What you want

Chaos
Diversions
Drama
Manipulation
Relapse

Anxiety
Churning
Revving
Unrest

Never measures up.
Never quite good enough.

G.B.U.

Steve

Dr. Steve Frisch, Psy.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Chicago, Illinois and Northfield, Illinois. You can contact Dr. Frisch, Psy.D. at drfrisch@aliveandwellnews.com  or at (847) 604-3290. Recover from chemical dependency and its toxic impact on family members. Raise your children to choose to be alcohol and other drugs free. Learn how to in Dr. Frisch’s, Psy.D. Recovery book series.