Chapter 5
Perpetrator
By Dr. Steve Frisch, Psy.D.

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The Perpetrator

The Perpetrator is your not-so-silent assassin, your murderer for hire, the part of you that can take anybody out with one blow to the head. The Perpetrator is the part of you that commits emotional, spiritual, physical, and/or sexual violence against both the people in your life as well as your Self. Developmentally, oftentimes, the Perpetrator will use as her model  the people in her life who perpetrated emotional, spiritual, physical, and/or sexual violence against her or somebody close to her.

The Perpetrator is like James Bond’s Odd Job, flinging his razor-edged hat at the jugular of the people in his life. The Perpetrator is like Woody Harrelson’s Natural Born Killer, seeking to inflict pain and mayhem upon anybody who has the misfortune of walking into his path. The Perpetrator is like a stealth Ninja warrior, specially trained to use silent and deadly force to rip the heart and soul out of a person’s chest. The Perpetrator is like a Samurai, bred to wreak emotional and spiritual mayhem, all in the name of serving and protecting her personal emperor, Ego. The Perpetrator is like Jim Croce’s Leroy Brown, badder than old King Kong, meaner than a junk yard dog. Worse than that, he’s more ornery and deadly than Dirty Harry.

Who was it who said, “Off with their heads”? Or, “Let them eat cake!” It was somebody’s Perpetrator, I can assure you of that. The Perpetrator is the executioner who beheads anybody bold enough to stand up to him. The Perpetrator, like Arnold S., terminates with extreme prejudice, anybody who dares to disappoint her. But as big and bad as Arnold S. is, the Perpetrator can be as tiny and seemingly meek as Rhoda Morgenstern’s mother, “Ma,”, inflicting her suffering on others with passivity, guilt, and martyrdom. After all, she is the quicker picker upper!

Again, don’t lose sight of the fact that the way the Perpetrator relates to the people in his life likely mirrors the way the Perpetrator relates to your Self as well. All that she perpetrates on the world at large, she perpetrates on your Self. One last word about the Perpetrator. Although it’s much easier to identify the overt acts of emotional, spiritual, physical, and sexual abuse, it’s no less important for you to connect to the less obvious, more covert, passive ways that the Perpetrator lives and breathes in your life.

The Perpetrator

Arrogant
Avenger
Entitled
Diminutive
Feeble
Grandiose
Holier-than-Thou
Impotent
Ineffective
Ineffectual
Inferior
Insufficient
Lacking
Not Good Enough
One-Down
Sadistic
Self-Righteous
Small
Subordinate
Subservient
Superior
Terminator
Useless
Victimized
Weak

Alone
Abandoned
Alienation
Belittled
Controlled
Cornered
Defenseless
Disappointed
Disgraced
Enraged
Indignant
Justified
Lonely
Loser
Mortified
Offended
Provoked
Powerless
Rage
Rejected
Scared
Scarred
Shame
Self-hatred
Slighted
Snubbed
Trapped

Abandoning
Accusative
Acerbic
Aggressive
Antagonism
Assaultive
Attacking
Belligerence
Belittling
Betray
Blaming
Bullying
Checking-out
Chronically avenging perceived wrongs
Coercive
Combative
Contemptuous
Conflictual
Contentious
Controlling
Cut-off
Sefiling
Degrading
Demeaning
Derisive
Deceiving
Dictatorial
Disappearing
Hostile
Hyper-critical
Ignore
Insulting
Intimidating
Judgmental
Lecture
Manipulate
Mocking
Mistreat
Passive-aggressive
Payback
Punitive
Reactive
Rejecting
Retribution
Revenge
Ridicule
Sabotage
Sardonic
Scolding
Seductive
Silent treatment
Spiteful
Talking down to
Teasing
Tyrannical
Threatening
Vengeful
Vindictiveness
Violate
Withholding

Aggrieved
Dishonored
Left Out
Less than
Looked down upon
Maltreated
Object of Ridicule
Offended
Persecuted
Picked on
Scapegoated
Undesirable
Unwanted
Wronged

Authoritarian
Cruel
Dangerous
Despotic
Dictatorial
Dismissive
Hostile
Misunderstanding
Oppressive
Repressive
Stifling
Unfair
Unsympathetic
Victimizing

Demands
Feeling Autonomy
Being Threatened
Feeling Demeaned
Feeling Devalued
Feeling Diminished
Feeling Dishonored
Feeling One Down
Feeling Persecuted
Feeling Picked on
Feeling Threatened
Interpersonally or Circumstantially
Feeling Small
Feeling Suffocated
Feeling Unacknowledged
Feeling Unappreciated
Feeling Victimized
Feeling Wronged

Being Blamed
Being Criticized
Being Judged
Being Outed
Being Set-up
Betrayal
Exposure
Feeling Threatened
Humiliation
Rejection
Revictimization

N/A

Aggression
Agitated
Armored
Defensive
Detached
Disturbed
Guarded
Hostile
Wary

N/A

G.B.U.

Steve

Dr. Steve Frisch, Psy.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Chicago, Illinois and Northfield, Illinois. You can contact Dr. Frisch, Psy.D. at drfrisch@aliveandwellnews.com  or at (847) 604-3290. Recover from chemical dependency and its toxic impact on family members. Raise your children to choose to be alcohol and other drugs free. Learn how to in Dr. Frisch’s, Psy.D. Recovery book series.