Chapter 5
Mourner
By Dr. Steve Frisch, Psy.D.

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The Mourner

The Mourner is the part of you that has been assigned the unenviable job of containing the disowned, unacknowledged, and unexpressed grief that you’ve accumulated over the course of your life. Recovery, in part, is about loss and the mourning of what you’ve lost--loss of your best friend, loss of time, loss of innocence, loss of nurturance, loss of opportunities, loss of pieces of your life, loss of control, loss of integrity, loss of pieces of you. Much has happened to you, there’s much that you’ve done to your Self, each event, every circumstance resonates deeply with regret, remorse, and grief.

Yet you’ve managed to deny it, control it, and/or medicate it. You’ve managed to turn off the spout from which your pain flows. And you’ve accomplished all of this by asking the Mourner to bear your pain in silence, to be the receptacle for all that pains you but your unwilling to own as you. You’ve asked your Mourner to absorb like a sponge the pain and sorrow of your life. You’ve asked the Mourner to protect you from experiencing your pain by transforming the twisted and mangled emotions, the deeply felt sense of loss and abandonment into hurt, anger, and resentment.

The Mourner has a story to tell, a tale of woe to belt out, a need to be released from the responsibility of suffering in silence,  being a reservoir of sadness you dare not draw from yourself. By embracing the Mourner and releasing the pent up emotions, you’ll finally experience your depression lift, the heaviness lighten, and the load eased that she has had to carry for all of these years.

Abandoned
Afflicted
Alone
Annihilated
Despondent
Discarded
Forsaken
Fragmented
Hurt
Inconsolable
Less than Whole
Tormented
Tortured
Shattered
Solitary
Wounded

Anger
Agony
Anguish
Bereavement
Depressed
Distress
Forlorn
Heartache
Dejection
Desolate
Despair
Devastate
Grief
Loss
Melancholy
Misery
Regret
Sadness
Suffering
Torment

Alienated
Alone
Angered
Antagonistic
Cut-off
Disgust
Estranged
Hatred
Indifferent
Loathing of Self
and Others

N/A

Darkness
Hopelessness
Despair
Desperation
Gloomy

Abandonment
Annihilation
Death
Deprivation
Destruction
Devastation
Endings
Eradication
Graduation
Loss
Death
Completion
Endings
Hurt
Loss
Terminating

N/A

Codependency
Denial
Disconnect From the Moment
Disconnect from Others
Disconnect from Self
Drinking
Drugging
Gambling
Intellectualize
Minimize
Rationalize
Sexing

Apathy
Deadened
Lethargy
Paralyzed
Numbness
Profound Sadness
Woodened

N/A

G.B.U.

Steve

Dr. Steve Frisch, Psy.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Chicago, Illinois and Northfield, Illinois. You can contact Dr. Frisch, Psy.D. at drfrisch@aliveandwellnews.com  or at (847) 604-3290. Recover from chemical dependency and its toxic impact on family members. Raise your children to choose to be alcohol and other drugs free. Learn how to in Dr. Frisch’s, Psy.D. Recovery book series.