Chapter 4
By Dr. Steve Frisch, Psy.D.

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Before we begin to look at specific profiles of your supporting cast members, let me discuss with you some important points for you to be mindful of. First, let me once again remind you that I use the phrase supporting cast members interchangeably with character defects. Do not be confused by my use of one phrase over the other. They have the same meaning to me and for purposes of our work together, I intend for them to have the same meaning for you.

Second, I have not created the following profiles of  supporting cast members based upon research or any scientific methodology. The name, constructs, and characteristics of each profile are entirely of my own invention.

Because you’re much too unique and complex of a person to be captured by an informally created classification system such as the one I am presenting to you, I recommend that you take what you like and leave the rest as you evaluate the relevance that any particular profile holds for you. My intention in creating the profiles of these supporting cast members is not to label you nor to define you. I present these profiles to you solely in the hopes that they serve as a catalyst for personifying in your own mind the various aspects of who you.

I suggest that you use these profiles much as a painter would use the colors on her palette. You may or may not, in part or in whole, want to apply these profiles to your ever evolving self-portrait. Or perhaps, what’s most likely, you may prefer to mix and match them as you conduct your self-examination of your supporting cast members.

In creating potential profiles of your supporting cast members, I’ve provided you a frame to set your self-portrait in. The frame is made up of the following constructs: 1.) Sense of self; 2.) Core Emotions; 3.) In Relationship Towards Self and Others; 4.) In Relationship/Experience of Others; 5.) World View; 6.) Tensions that Awaken...; 7.) Fears; 8.) Avoidance Response; 9.) Physiological States; 10.) Mastery over Self and Life Tasks.

I have not provided descriptors for every construct for each profile that I’ve created. For those constructs where the symbol N/A appears, N/A means Not Applicable. Don’t take that to mean that descriptors don’t exist for those constructs in a particular profile. It does mean that I couldn’t think of any descriptors for that particular construct or couldn’t see how the construct applied in that particular profile. If you’re able to add to the list of descriptors for any particular construct of any specific profile, please do so and feel free to share that with me.

You should not assume that I’ve exhausted the number of profiles, constructs, or descriptors that may be relevant to you. On the other hand, you may discover that none of these profiles are relevant to you at all. Let me repeat, I offer these profiles only as a mirror for you to gaze in to so that you may more easily identify with the supporting cast members that you’re preparing to [re]connect, [re]claim and reconcile with.
         

Let’s discuss one last thing before you begin to look at the profiles of your supporting cast members--the constructs I’ve used to frame the profile of each supporting cast member. As you review the profile of each supporting cast member, don’t feel
limited to the supporting cast members I’ve profiled, the constructs I’ve used to frame each profile, or the descriptors that I’ve used to define any specific construct. Where you believe there is more for you to claim, feel free to explore beyond the parameters that I’ve
initially established.           

Sense of self: This construct is the mental self-portrait that defines who you are. This self-portrait is your self-definition, not how anybody else would define who you are. As you begin to [re]connect with your supporting cast members, you’ll discover the
different shadings, voices and energies of your Self. Hopefully, as you’re self-examination unfolds, you’ll discover the many contradictions as well as congruencies that exist between who you believe yourself to be and who you actually are. Additionally, you’re self-examination should enable you to fill in the holes to those parts of yourself that you have been either unable to define or unable to fill.

Core Emotions: This construct is a descriptor of who each supporting cast member is emotionally. As you become more practiced at connecting to the present moment, you’ll begin to attend to the emotions that are activated by your connection to the present moment. Use this construct to help you identify what emotions or what shade of an emotion becomes activated by the present moment for each supporting cast member. It’s critical that you make the connection between your different emotional states and the supporting cast member that they belong to. This will enable you to better understand who and what has been awakened within you by the present moment.

In Relationship/Towards Self and Others: This construct is intended to help you examine the relationship each supporting cast member has with your Self and the people in your life. You can infer from this statement that the relationship you have with your Self will oftentimes mirror the relationship that you create with others and vice versa. You’ll notice that each supporting cast member has a style different than another supporting cast member when it comes to creating a relationship with your Self and the
people in your world. It’s critical for you to begin to identify the self-destructive as well as the nurturing and healing styles of your supporting cast members in order for you to transform the relationship you have with your supporting cast members.

In Relationship/Experience of Others: This construct identifies the perceptions of, through the eyes and ears of a particular supporting cast member, how that particular supporting cast member experiences people acting towards her. Whereas In Relationship/Towards Self and Others focuses on how a particular supporting cast member may connect with your Self and others, In Relationship/Experience of Others focuses on a particular supporting cast member’s perception of how the people in your life act towards him.

It’s critical for you to develop cleaner perceptions of how a particular supporting cast member perceives that people are acting towards her. You can’t critically evaluate somebody’s actions towards your Self in the present moment without being aware of the specific bias(es) that each supporting cast member invokes when interpreting other people’s words and behaviors. Being able to distinguish the bias of each supporting cast member from what is really happening in the present moment is an important key to ending your self-sabotage of your relationships. By becoming more sensitized to the bias(es) of each supporting cast member, you’ll discover that trusting and emotionally
connecting with other people will become much easier for you to do.

World View: This construct describes the viewpoint of each supporting cast member as it pertains to how they perceive the
world at large and their place in the world. Whereas Sense of Self is a self-portrait of who you are, World View is a portrait of how
and what the world outside of your Self is through the eyes and ears of a particular cast member.

Tensions that Awaken...: This construct describes the interpersonal and intrapersonal tensions that awaken each supporting cast member. It’s critical that you become aware of not only each supporting cast member, but the experiences that awaken them. The better sensitized you become to what awakens each supporting cast member, the easier it will be for you to stay grounded in the present moment without regressing into a younger, wounded, underdeveloped supporting cast member. Your ability to recognize when you’ve regressed will enable you to reconnect with your core Self and thereby limit the unconscious acting out and self-sabotage of your wounded, underdeveloped, disowned supporting cast members.

Fears: This construct identifies the idiosyncratic internal fears that activate each supporting cast member. Whereas Tensions that Awaken... focuses mostly on external interpersonal dynamics that activate your supporting cast members, Fears focuses on the internal emotional states of your supporting cast members. Being able to recognize the internal emotional states of your various cast members will empower you to act-out less and take care of your Self more.

Avoidance Response: This construct is intended to help you identify each supporting cast member’s strategies for responding to the Fears and/or Tensions that Awaken... Your avoidance
responses tend to be acted out without impunity because of the way in which you justify your avoidance strategies. As I so often  emphasize, it’s critical that you “don’t fall in love with your stories!” For it’s these strategies of avoidance that each supporting cast member employs that you eventually have to justify to yourself and the people in your life.

The only way you can justify your avoidance behaviors is by inventing stories that portray these strategies of avoidance as harmless and beyond reproach. However, it’s these very stories that are the mechanism for disowning a supporting cast member(s) or not taking ownership of a particular supporting cast member’s behavior and emotions. The importance of being more clear about your avoidance strategies is that so much of who you are and what you do becomes disowned by these avoidance strategies. And of equal importance, so much of your avoidance strategies are self-destructive acts that sabotage your emotional and spiritual well-being. Taking ownership of your supporting cast member’s avoidance strategies and the choices that they make is the essence of what this work is all about.

Physiological States:  This construct is intended to sensitize you to the physiological manifestation of each supporting cast member as you carry them in your body. Your supporting cast members are not just abstract concepts to be learned, they are real organic parts of who you are. They manifest in your life not only through your choices and behaviors but physiologically as well. Some ways that they may manifest themselves in your body may be a tightness in your shoulders, the shallowness with which you breathe, a nervous laugh, a swinging leg, or perspiration.

Because many of us disconnect from our bodies and emotions and live in our heads, it’s critical to reclaim the physiological dimension of each supporting cast member. To only learn the material in this book without reconnecting to how this material lives and breathes in your body emotionally and physiologically is only doing a third of the job.

Mastery over Self and Life Tasks:  This construct is intended to help you identify how different supporting cast members evaluate themselves at how effective they are at living
life. One important goal of our work together should be to develop a feeling of mastery over yourself and the way you live your life. What is implied in your desire to have mastery over your Self and  your Life Tasks is that:

You no longer are at the mercy of unconscious forces that sabotage your relationships.

You no longer are at the mercy of activated disowned parts of who you are that operate outside of the view of your conscious awareness.

You no longer are at the mercy of routinized, conditioned responses that limit your free will to make different choices.

You no longer are at the mercy of specific dominating fears that limit how much and how well you participate in your life.

You no longer are at the mercy of all the ways you avoid taking risks that would otherwise enable you to bring joy and love into your world.

In order to escape the influences of these different forces, you need to understand your supporting cast members’ self-evaluation of how well they can play at the game of life. More specifically, how does each supporting cast member evaluate how well they play at love, at work, at friendship, in their spiritual world, and relationship with Self.

Those are the different constructs that I’ve devised as the framework for each supporting cast member. Let me reiterate, there’s nothing definitive about these constructs or the profiles that I’ve created. Use them only as a catalyst for your deepening self-examination. Having said that let’s go ahead and meet the some of the supporting cast members.

G.B.U.

Steve

Dr. Steve Frisch, Psy.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Chicago, Illinois and Northfield, Illinois. You can contact Dr. Frisch, Psy.D. at drfrisch@aliveandwellnews.com  or at (847) 604-3290. Recover from chemical dependency and its toxic impact on family members. Raise your children to choose to be alcohol and other drugs free. Learn how to in Dr. Frisch’s, Psy.D. Recovery book series.