Trust: How to Make Your Relationship Safe for You and Your Partner
by Dr. Steve
Frisch, Psy.D.
Trust
is the glue that holds your relationship together. We all need to believe in our partner,
to trust that they are someone who is safe, someone we can rely on, someone with whom we
can be ourselves without fear of ridicule, judgment, or abandonment. Trust exists in a relationship
when you or your partner is able go there, whether that be conflict, emotional
overload, or disappointment. More important than being able to go there, is being able to stay
in spite of having gone there.
For trust is the
inevitable outcome of words and actions matching. What creates more trust in your
relationships—being told that your partner loves you but treats you in an unloving
way or when your partner acts in a loving way, being told that your partner accepts you
but treats you as if they don’t accept you or when your partner acts in an accepting
way towards you, being told that your partner appreciates you but treats you as if they
take you for granted or being treated in a manner that conveys how much your partner
appreciates you.
Words are a dime a
dozen. Actions are priceless. Words are tools of persuasion. Action is a window to your
soul. Words can be used to manipulate. Actions can be used to communicate.
So if you want your
partner to trust you, act in a trustworthy way. Trust is not something that you’re
entitled to, it’s something that you earn. You earn it quite simply when your words
and actions match.
Bridge Builder’s Checklist
1.) Commit to making sure that your words and actions match.
2.) Commit to acknowledging rather than explaining away those times that your words and
actions don’t match.
3.) Commit to identifying the underlying relationship issue (see my free online book, Making
Molehills Out of Mountains, for detailed explanation of underlying relationship
issues—1.) Acceptance, 2.) Appreciation, 3.) Unmet emotional needs, 4.) Power and
Control that is embedded in your unresolved issues.
4.) Commit to discussing with your partner the underlying relationship issue(s) that are
the precipitant for the time(s) that your words and actions do not match.
For more information
about how to create trust in your relationship, read chapter 2 (Trust)
in Dr. Frisch’s, Psy.D. free online book, Building Better Bridges: Creating
Great Relationships With the People Who Matter Most and read Dr. Frisch’s,
Psy.D. free online book, Making Molehills Out of Mountains.
G.B.U.
Steve
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